Growing up as the eldest and only child in an indian Family, definitely stirred a conversation to how spoilt and privileged my childhood had been. My parents both from the medical industry have been seperated or in my brain atleast they have never existed together. At the age of 17 my mum was clinically diagnosed as a person suffering from Skizofrenia, at that point of time i did not understand the repercussion of having a parent who needs extra care. I am the only child, and it is my responsibility towards her well-being however it was preventing me from being the best version of myself. As time passed by, i had to take charge of my mum and i feel guilty for not being able to support her financially. My dad has been out of every picture possible. All my life i had only one dream, to have a family, have a home. Now i am at the peak of my career and these unresolved issues keep surfacing and i am unsure whether it is worth it to proceed. Everyday i am exhausted of living. I keep trying to talk to my family members but i often come across misunderstood and aloof. I do not know if the journey is worth it. Everyday feels very long, and about 1 year ago i had moved out from my grandma’s house (where my mum currently resides) as i am unable to take into consideration of her health situation. Honestly, i have been having suicidal thoughts but in the end of the day it gets blocked as i do have the will to live. Its further reinforced with the presence of my dog, i definitely would not want to leave her alone as i brought her in. But i just want a way out of feeling miserable, i miss my confidence and i just want to be better human being for myself and it does get lonely.